It has been a while since I have seen a Thankful Thursday post, and in light of some things going on in my life, I thought it would be nice to bring it back!
Linking up with Amanda for Thinking Out Loud Thursday.
I’m grateful and thankful for so many things in life, but I thought that today I would look at just a few (and for all of those things and people that are feeling left out–if you are even here to be reading this, I am thankful for you!).
This Thankful Thursday I am thankful for:
I know that there are many of you out there that are skeptical and wary of the medical system and doctors and general. Please know that I understand your skepticism, and I think skepticism can be very healthy. But I also believe in doctors, in medicine, and this week, I am so, so thankful for them.
Yesterday (Wednesday), my GI fit me in to see her on her lunch break on her procedure day because she was worried about me. I’ve been updating you all a bit on my health and Crohn’s Disease flare up, and she somewhat confirmed that I am experiencing some inflammation (they did an in-clinic procedure with scoping and biopsies) and that we need to do something about it.
I am both relieved and saddened by this news. I am saddened by the fact that I haven’t been able to maintain my remission that I was so happy about in February; I am saddened that the stress that I have been under has likely caused this, and that my attempt to get pregnant (by going off birth control and my dual therapy) took away the cushion/safety net that I had to deal with the mental pressures that have been facing me.
But I am also relieved. I am relieved because we have a plan (to shorten my infusion interval substantially), that my infusion last week has helped me so much, and that so far, we are not taking pregnancy and continuing to try off the table. I am relieved, in some ways, that what has been going on has been the Crohn’s Disease, because I know what that is, and we have defeated it before. If this had been something different, something unknown…. I am hoping that this re-jigging of my Remicade infusion will help. That blessed medicine. I will never take it for granted.
For Understanding and Compassion
I had a really, really crazy Tuesday. Things were up/down/all around, and I had to be doing the same, and it lead to me having a mid-day panic attack as well as two meetings (which had played some part in sparking the panic). But Alex was able to talk to me, to help me talk through my feelings, and to comfort me with his compassion and understanding, but also to assure me that he never has thought, “Great, Susie is having an issue again. Get over it.” Or you know what I mean.
Then I had one of the meetings, and I just came clean about what had been going on. Why I had been distant and disconnected for the past 6 weeks. And that person showed compassion for my situation, accepted my apology, and we discussed how to move forward. This meant so much to me.
For My Other Half, and His Current Job Situation
This week marks 8 years that Alex and I have been officially together (I covered that on Tuesday). I am thankful for him every day, but especially now, when I am going through so much that is so beyond my control. My self created stress isn’t something that I can turn off–my mind is just creating it. And, as I just said, he has never held it against me.
I am also so, so thankful for his current position. As Chief Resident, his is incredibly busy (literally helping to run the residency program!), but for the first time since he graduated from medical school, he is also available. He joined me Tuesday night for an event. He was able to answer my call when I was having my panic attack. He texted me back after I had my appointment. Now, that doesn’t mean that he is able to do that all the time, but at least right now, or in the past few days, he has been able to do that. And if he isn’t there I usually can finangle my mom (an equally good alternative!).
My Current Mindset Re: Food and Intake
Right now, I am so grateful for my current mindset with regards to food and taking in the extra calories necessary to try to pad my body a bit more. I am having to do this a bit less aggressively than some people. I know some women who have increased to 4000 calories a day, but I’m doing more 2500-3000, which is both attainable and sustainable for a longer term. Plus, with my recent GI issues, I am having to be pretty careful with what I am eating already, and I don’t want to get back to the point of worrying that everything is going to hurt me.
I attribute this mindset of being able to deal with the changes that are to come in my body, and the actions that I must take, to my marathon training, something I have also talked about in the past (one of my most commented on posts ever).
Being Able To Run
Running is something that I will never take for granted. Running has been a health barometer for me for a long time, and now, especially after the injuries that I have had over the past few years and the current issues that I am having with my health, I am so, so thankful to be able to run in any capacity. I don’t care how slow I go, how tired my legs are. Any day that I wake up that is a day that I am healthy enough (and have allotted) to run is a day and a run that I will take and be grateful for. Step after tired step.
I can’t quit you all. You all don’t blow smoke up my ass and brown-nose; you keep it real, and you help remind me that there are others out there that struggle, that triumph, that are like me and completely different from me. You come forward and let me know what is working, I can tell when things aren’t working. You check in on me, you are my tribe. And I don’t mean that in an egotistical way–I hope that we all have tribes. People that will stand up and high five you, slap you, put their arms around you, or tell you to get it together. It means more than you can imagine.
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What are you thankful for this week?