As we deal with this current injury, I am confronted with the question of if I will ever run a marathon again.
The great love of my running life.
I love the marathon because it has changed me so profoundly. From healing my relationship with my body and improving my relationship with food, to giving me the strength to get through infertility treatments, to teaching me lessons that I take with me into becoming a parent. It has brought me friends, embued me with a pride in myself that I could never have anticipated, and given me peace when my life felt like it was spiraling out of control.
Marathon training and marathon running has given me such great happiness.
And yet now I may need to say goodbye to it. At least for my own running–I will still coach others and cheer on my friends.
Remember that post I wrote, Running is a Bad Boy? I have to face facts; running and long distance running are my bad boy. I may love it/them dearly, but for now, and for the sake of my and my family’s future, I need to give them up.
I have a predisposition for stress injuries stemming from steroid use to treat my Crohn’s Disease as a young teenager. The weakness in my bones is made worse by a family history of osteoporosis and hormonal deficiency. As I told you at the beginning of my infertility treatment, I have never had normal hormones or a normal hormonal cycle. That plus my lower BMI thanks to periods of illness and a family history and past steroid use…. even with normal bone density markers, I am still at risk.
This particular injury combines that predisposition with a job that kept me on my feet all day and the very commonplace risk of osteopenia during pregnancy, and there you go. Perfect storm. No one thing to blame; everything to blame.
As we look forward and try to figure out how to proceed, Alex and I both agree that next time (if there is a next time) I get pregnant, we will have to change the way that we do things. No back to back running days and possibly no running at all.
I have to consider that my long distance running days are over. My love for the marathon and my desire to run Boston one day cannot and does not outweigh my love of my family and a happy and healthy home life. As I learned during my first major stress injury: I can live without running, but I cannot live without activity, and these types of injury take both away from me.
Some may say, “well, you can just come back to it later!” I guess that is true. However, my propensity for stress injuries will only become greater as I age, and the risk for injury to my home life and happiness that would be brought on by a significant injury also will increase.Ask others the same question I'm asking myself.Click To Tweet
But I am so much more than a runner. I am more than a marathoner. I want running and fitness to continue to be a major part of my life, I just need to figure out the way that makes the most sense for my body and my family.
So adieu, marathons. Adieu, long distance running. We may meet again in the future, we may not. And if we don’t, know that you have made my life better, but that we just aren’t right for each other at this time in my life.
But let’s stay friends–you are great at a party.