Life update time. And I’m throwing all the abbrevs @ u.
Thank you to Amanda for Thinking Out Loud!
Let’s start with IVF updates.
From ten, seven. From seven, five. From five… hopefully 4 to be frozen and 1 to
rule them all be implanted.
Basically, they got 10 eggs from my egg retrieval, seven of those eggs matured, and five of those mature eggs fertilized. I won’t lie, I was a little bummed–in a way, I feel like every time we lose one of those little guys, it is like i feel my chances of getting pregnant slipping away. I know that is rather fatalistic, and I am really trying not to concentrate on that.
Of course, in typical Suz fashion, I didn’t get the new expediently. Naturally, the IVF lab called while I was finishing up with a client (literally, had 3 minutes left to go). I called them at 10:34 exactly 8 minutes after they had called me, and left a message. I called again at 12:45 and left the rest of my information. I called again at 1:22 and got nothing. I started my therapy session at 1:35… and my doctor called me at 1:45 to check in with me and see how I was doing.
HOW WAS I DOING??? Well, I’m sitting and therapy, SO TELL ME. He filled me in, and we discussed a few details, and then it was back to business. They set everyone up for a 3 day transfer, and I would only know if I was doing a 5 day transfer if they called me the following day (Wednesday).
By 10:30, they still hadn’t called me, so I a) asked Alex to page my doctor and talk to him and b) send a message via the system to them. I finally heard around noon that we were doing the 5 day transfer!
This is both good as well as risky–the body is usually a better incubator, but my baby box might just be crap, so this is giving me a chance to build up more of a lining. I only have 5 little Yoshis in there–and statistically, only 30% make it.
So we will see.
And yes, I’m nervous as shit. So I had my margarita last night, I’m having a Spotted Cow tonight, and then tomorrow, I’m locking it up for extra luck.
I’ve talked about this in previous posts, I am sure, but I had pretty severe ADHD as a kid. I stopped taking medication for it when I found myself at a job that didn’t require much work (because why waste it?), and the last time I took any was for a marathon (and I took a low dose). Before that, I had taken it maybe 3 times over 6 months. I stopped after that.
I’ve spoken quite a bit about my struggles with my productivity and my performance, where my career is or isn’t, etc. I attributed it to something that went wrong in my psyche–that I had lost that drive that I used to have as a kid.
Last week at therapy, I mentioned my ADHD, and my therapist asked me how much I thought it still impacted my life. At the time, I said that sure, it did, but that it probably wasn’t so bad.
Since our conversation (literally, I started thinking about it on the way home), it is like my world has opened up for me. The light has been shined. I’m starting to realize how much of my frustrations with myself and situations–my short temper with others, my mini-temper tantrums at certain times, like this weekend—are red flag symptoms of my ADHD/ADD. (I wouldn’t consider myself to have the hyper activity component as much any more).
Of course, I can’t take those kinds of medications when I am pregnant, and I don’t want to get back to a reliance on those meds, by any means. But it is something to revisit when we aren’t trying/after I have a baby (willing), and until then, we are trying to figure out ways that I can refocus and engage myself without medication.