Life, Crohn's, Infertility

About My Lyfe

Running Tips and Fitness Advice

Let's Talk Running

Coach Suz Training

Work with Me!

Epic Lyfe Events Lyfe Parenting Tough Talk

Please (CoronaLyfe Part 1 3/23)

42 Shares

Where to start with all of this? I feel like I’ve been sitting on this post for a long time. Nearly 3 weeks. Three weeks of a roller coaster of anxiety and emotions. Three weeks of testing our mental and emotional strength, and we are just at the beginning.

I filled you in on our IVF Retrieval results, and in that post, I mentioned that Alex started to realize how much of a problem COVID-10 was going to become in America and Chicago. I told you that, as a result, we decided not to transfer a fresh embryo, and instead put our hopes on being able to freeze at least a few. One is all it takes, right? Emmie nods in the affirmative.

What I don’t think that I told you is that during that first week of March, I watched my super cool, calm, and collected husband have real and true anxiety. He realized the danger that we could be putting me (the wife of a physician, aka much higher likelihood of exposure) in during a time when the health system would be taxed to the max and I would need to go to the hospital campus often. That, if worst came to worst, I might have to spend a year apart from him: 9 months pregnant and then the baby’s first 3 months.

I saw a man who is the eternal optimist in all situations considering the worst. I watched his growing frustration that the powers that be just didn’t “get it.” And night after night of being on the phone or FaceTime with our friends and family urging them to get prepared. And this is before any real news or warnings that hit in mid-March had happened.

Let’s just say that seeing that has an impact.

We started getting our acts together, preparing for 2 weeks of food and supplies at any one time and replacing what we used. Then Emmie got sick the night of my retrieval, and we basically went into self-isolation a week earlier than anyone else.

During that time, Alex and I made a plan that I would take Emmie to my parents’ lake house in Georgia. It is isolated; there is a single grocery store 30 minutes away. Emmie would have a house to roam around, outdoors to explore, and we could basically cut ourselves off from the world as needed.

And that is still the plan. Today, I leave with Emmie and the dog to begin the drive from Chicago to Georgia, with a brief stop overnight at a hotel in southern Tennessee. We will stay in Georgia for about a month, maybe longer. The issue is that I need to get my infusion done, and we don’t know if insurance will allow me to have it executed in Georgia.

To say that I am happy about this plan would be a complete lie. I understand logically that the plan makes sense, and that Emmie will be happier during the days when she can have room to move and places to explore.

But emotionally, I am having a really, really tough time with this move.

I need these moments in my life

Alex is my best friend. He is my rock. To not have him there beside me, even if we are just sitting… it feels like part of me is missing. I am a very independent, capable person who can manage just fine on her own, but I am completely codependent on him. Yeah, I will admit it.

Then the news about the lack of protective equipment for first responders and medical staff started coming in. I feel like we are at war, and Alex is going into battle without camouflage and just hoping that his youth and fitness will protect him. Because before long, it will be all-hands-on-deck, and my specialist husband will be helping in a general capacity. This isn’t what he/we signed up for.

So, yeah, there has been a lot of tears over the past few days. I don’t want to leave him. I don’t want him to be alone. I don’t want him to be exposed. I don’t want to leave the proximity to my friends and feel like I am all alone.

(Yes, I have upped my anti-depressant. And still, this is happening.)

I hate this. I hate knowing that other people are also in the same situation. In this case, it is NOT comforting to know that I am not alone, because that means that so many others are scared and apprehensive.

I keep trying to tell myself that this is like spring break, but unlike those a**hats that were partying on the beach, we will be practicing our distancing. That Emmie, Ridley, and I will be going on a girls’ trip.

But I know that is a lie. I know that we are going somewhere just to wait and hope and do my part to stop the spread.

Please, please, please. Stay home. If I am literally leaving my husband thousands of miles away to be with a toddler 24/7, you can do without your playdate or house party or your Starbucks.

Please do YOUR part so that I, and all of those like me, can come home. So that my parents can come home. So that we can all live again.

Please.

42 Shares
Previous Post Next Post

Have you read these gems?

12 Comments

  • Reply Caroline

    Oh boy do I feel you on this one. I work in healthcare (colorectal surgery lol) and I made the decision this past weekend to move out of my home where my parents live. I couldn’t live with the idea that even though my family is staying home and isolated, I was the one putting them at new risk every single day by nature of the field I work in. And I worry about my patients. So many of them are elderly, have cancer, or have pre-existing conditions that present a challenge to their immune systems on even a good day. I pray to stay healthy so that I can keep them healthy and safe.

    To people like you who have been isolating themselves, thank you. You are protecting your families and others. To patients who are cancelling routine/non-urgent appointments, thank you. You are protecting your healthcare providers and we notice you and appreciate you. And to my fellow healthcare providers, stay strong. We will take care of each other and love each other and support each other through these difficult times. My thoughts are with you as you make the journey to Georgia. Stay safe and healthy. Much love.
    Caroline recently posted…Will I Start Running Again?My Profile

    March 24, 2020 at 7:15 am
  • Reply Alicia

    wow that is really tough. I hope that this doesn’t last for too long. I am so glad my work finally figured out a work from home schedule for my company. This is my first week of true social distancing since I only just started working from home yesterday. They only called the work from home for a week, but we do have a feeling it will be longer. My business is somewhat essential so they are just playing it day by day almost. It will be nice to have a place for Emmie to roam around. Safe travels.
    Alicia recently posted…Weekend Adventures and QuarantinedMy Profile

    March 24, 2020 at 8:32 am
  • Reply Anne

    Oh, my. This has to be so hard. So, so hard. I cannot even imagine the talks and tears and sleepless nights that have ensued. Keeping all of you in my thoughts, and hoping that logistically, at least, things go smoothly. Such hard decisions… but I do hope they keep you safe and well and healthy and that you are back together soon. Take care.
    Anne recently posted…Things I have learned about myself in the last weekMy Profile

    March 24, 2020 at 10:17 am
  • Reply Maureen

    Have a safe drive! I’m so incredibly sorry that this decision was one you even have to make. I’m sending so many prayers to you, Emmie, Alex, his coworkers and all of the healthcare workers.
    Maureen recently posted…Sunday In Pictures Vol. 116My Profile

    March 24, 2020 at 10:57 am
  • Reply Ellen

    “I am a very independent, capable person who can manage just fine on her own, but I am completely codependent on him.” That got me, and I really relate. You got this. It absolutely sucks, but you got this. Sending you sooo much love. Call me anytime, big sis.

    March 24, 2020 at 12:40 pm
  • Reply Sarah Rosenblatt

    Ugh Suz this is gut-wrenching. I’m so sorry. Wishing you and the girls safe travels, and that Alex stays healthy. Thank you to him for doing such important work. <3

    March 24, 2020 at 12:46 pm
  • Reply Suzlyfe's mommy, Clare

    This is a nightmare in so many ways, but I am so glad that there IS a place where you, Emmie and Ridley can go that is out of the city, and the urban quarantine.
    I also will miss being able to see you and Emmie in person, but while you can be safe at our house in Georgia, we are trying to ease your mind by staying away and staying in Mexico where all of the tourists and seasonal renters have left. I look out the window and see a pristine and totally empty beach.

    This is like war-time when couples are separated for months when the men or women go off to fight and the home crew tries to keep life going and support their loved ones from afar.

    I hope that you will find some fun and interesting things to do at the house, and that Ridley will leave the goose poop alone. It is not going to be easy for you, I have no doubt of that, but I am comforted by knowing that Alex knows you are somewhere a bit removed from the mayhem of Chicago. He has a big job to do, and knowing his family is away from the danger of the urban jungle may give him some peace of mind.

    March 24, 2020 at 3:14 pm
  • Reply Sarah

    Wishing you safe travels and will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.
    We were not prepared at all for this as it hit when I was planning for Baby G’s 1st birthday and my 40th. That is the weekend stuff pretty much hit the fan here in Minnesota. I was clearing out the fridge and freezer for a couple weeks and everything hit so fast it was already too late here.
    While all of the birthday and spring break plans had to be canceled I was just thankful to get some of the things we needed and have the whole family safe. I will continue to be “that mean mom” that won’t let her kids hang out with friends and wish more moms did the same.
    Thank you to your husband for all that he does.
    I knew it was serious when my son’s pediatrician called the day before his appointment and said they were only seeing 0-2 babies needing vaccinations and went through all the added cautions that were in place and make sure I understood and if I still wanted to keep his appointment.

    March 24, 2020 at 8:08 pm
  • Reply Cora

    The amount of times we hear “these are extraordinary times” still does not justify the hugeness of what we are all going through. It absolutely feels like a dream. This is an unbelievably hard time for you and your family. The physical implications, and the insurmountable internal worries and anxieties, alike. I hope you can find at least some solace in knowing you are making the absolute right decision, and doing the right thing for you and your family. This too shall pass. This too shall pass. This too shall pass.

    My thoughts are with you Suz. Drive safe <3

    March 25, 2020 at 8:46 am
  • Reply Debbie @ Deb Runs

    I am so sorry – it must have been so hard to make the decision to leave Chicago, but it seems like the right one. I saw on IG that you made it to Georgia. Stay safe!

    March 25, 2020 at 8:28 pm
  • Reply Anna @ Pipersrun

    I hate all of this too. With my husband bring a Paramedic, he’ll likely get exposed. I cry a lot, every day hoping he doesn’t get sick. Though my girls are older (7&9), its hard to explain that they might not see their Dad for a while.

    March 26, 2020 at 5:36 am
  • Reply Erica @ erica finds

    Sending so much love your way! If Alex needs any help… groceries delivered to your door or anything we can provide, please let me know. Love you girl! You can do hard things.

    March 26, 2020 at 7:12 am
  • Leave a Reply

    CommentLuv badge

    This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.