No great thing is created suddenly. A statement that could not be more true as I am working on the project of my life.
Last week, I mentioned working on an ebook. Well, I still am writing… and the book will likely be electronic… but I am starting to broaden my scope. I don’t want to say exactly what it is about, not yet, in case I end up needing to rein it back in for the time being (either way, I am writing it!), but each day since I made the decision last week (that hasn’t involved parents being here) I have worked on my project. I now have a rough outline, a VERY rough proposal, and the beginnings of sources.
I feel like I was meant to do this project. I know that Suzy has also recently gone public with her own book (she’s putzed around long enough, right? lol love you boo), and I also imagine that she feels like her project is something… maybe not that she was born to do, but what she has lived to create. I feel the same way about my book.
At first, I was toying around with one idea to build into an ebook, and that was actually the book that I mentioned last week. But when I talked to my Coaching Mastermind Group last Wednesday (it was my turn in the hot seat), I discussed these books with them, and then, at the end of the conversation, I threw out this other idea, one that I have long been contemplating (in various iterations). And they literally said, STOP. That is your idea. That is your topic. Do it. Own it. Love it.
With every comment and every thought that succeeded it, I grew increasingly excited.
The past 6 months (wow, has it really been that long since my colonoscopy and going off of birth control?) have been really, really rocky for me, mentally. The highs have been really high, but with each high, I’ve fallen rather low. Not manic/depressive, but definitely comfortably high and to uncomfortably low.
Monday, after my parents left, was a low after a fantastic high. A low where I knew it was Depression talking to some extent, but also something else building below the surface. I texted my mom that morning and called her that afternoon.
I went for a walk around the neighborhood and talked to her. Back and forth to the verge of tears. I told her how lost but yet not lost I felt, how frustrated I was with certain circumstances, but also with my mental state concerning those circumstances. As I talked and talked, I ultimately came back to my project, which I had announced to my family over the weekend.
And as I spoke, I realized how passionate I am about this project. How maybe, just maybe, these pieces of my life, the ups, downs, and all arounds, my work in graduate school (learning to write, learning to think about the world in a different way), my fight to find myself again after jobs didn’t work out, finding myself again in running, then the blog, and then coaching and training.
Talking it out, I realized how I feel that I am, more than anyone else I know, uniquely prepared and uniquely positioned to pursue this mission and go after this project.
All of the sudden, my world shifted. The air became clearer. I felt calmer. I felt like all of this movement, all of this change, wasn’t because I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do with my life, but rather because I wasn’t thinking about the fact that my story simply hadn’t unfolded yet. I was looking at chapters, rather than the whole story.
Does this mean that I know exactly what to do, that the road ahead is obvious? HELL, NO. I have so, so much work to do. If I am to do this project the way that I want to, this is going to take months, I am going to have to make some real decisions, I am going to need funding, and I am going to put myself, and my family, in a very vulnerable place, especially financially.
But this project, like when I found architectural history, which brought together my love of history and architecture, aethetics and theory, this project seems to be my chance to synthesize the seemingly disparate parts of my life.When life's pieces shift in to place, you realize the importance of your journey #inspiration Click To Tweet
So, while things may change, this project may never come to fruition in the way that I am presently imagining, I am at least excited about the future. Sometimes, we need to take a journey, we need to stop being so hard on ourselves, and we need to keep searching. Don’t forget the pieces of your life that have brought you to now–you may still need them, even in a way you are not expecting.
I’ve had these moments before, I will have them again. But I am going to celebrate each one as a moment that might change the course of my life. Celebrate each mile, every victory, and love yourself and your life for providing you with the moment of clarity and the opportunity to become something even greater.
Tell me about a moment of clarity in your life.
What is your favorite stone fruit? (Peach, Plum, Cherry, Nectarine)