Ok, this is getting silly. You know how I keep talking about spinning my wheels, the need for a reset, then feeling like I had finally pressed the reset button? Well, apparently when I hit the reset button I also hit “SHUFFLE.” They say a change will do you good. Or at least Sheryl Crow says that, and she’s pretty chill, in my book, even though she almost married Lance Armstrong. But who’s to judge? He pulled the wool over the rest of us, too.
How ‘bout this? A change can be marvelous. Even when it is completely unexpected, and something that you weren’t thinking about doing for quite a while.
No. I am not pregnant.
I am, however, no longer with the restaurant.
Yep, the restaurant and I parted ways. No more Converses, or carefully planned out nutrition plans to get me through service. Or wearing god-only-knows-how-many layers just in order to get through a service. Am I happy to have left so suddenly? Absolutely not. Will I miss the (very generous) income, and am I more than just a little worried about the future? You betcha. But do I know that I, and Alex, will be ok? I have to know this.
But you know what? I may a) once again be unemployed b) unsure of what to do next c) back to being a financial burden on my husband (basically, I am Zoe—uncontributing to the rent, whiny, insane, stir crazy, but so cute that you just can’t get rid of me. And I have been known to sleep in hilarious positions as well) but there is definitely some marvelous in what could potentially be a very bad situation.
Marvelous 1: I am leaving my job in good standing with my management team and coworkers, and can walk away with my head held high.
’m not going to go into great details as to my departure, but I am going to say that I am in absolutely no fault in any way, nor did I do anything morally or legally wrong. I was, quite simply, in the wrong place at the wrong time, and with the wrong customer in a situation in which there is no advantageous outcome except for me to simply walk away. But my managers proved to me my value as both an employee and as a person when they told me that regardless of the manner of my departure, they would both absolutely and whole-heartedly be willing to provide me with glowing letters of recommendation.
Marvelous 2: To be honest, I have been wanting out for quite some time now.
Over the past few weeks, Alex and I have had many heart to hearts about my lack of fulfillment at my job. Alex actually told me that, if I needed to, we would just take the cut and find me something that moved me I absolutely respect servers and the hospitality industry: it takes a gift and certain personality to thrive in such an environment. But I always knew that serving was not my dream job; I feel that I really, truly am meant to do and to be more than a server. In particular, serving at this restaurant was not (in the long run) my dream. Now, another Orzo, I could do for a while. Because at Orzo, I was not a cog. But I digress.
Marvelous 3: Alex and I can (right now, and for a little while) afford my not working.
Marvelous 4: Alex and I will no longer have opposite schedules.
I will see him more than 6 hours a week (not counting us asleep)!!! WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHaaaaatttttttt? I will be able to cook for him again, do proper newlywed things (or at least have more opportunity to!). I will get to have real discussions with him on a more regular basis, and perhaps be able to pre-empt all of this pent-up-emotion-outbursts-of-tears-and-or-lashing-out that has become an expected occurrence at least 1/month (and not including the other time of the month funzies).
Marvelous 5: I will be able to more actively pursue the improvement of my health.
What do I mean by this? Several things: I will truly be able to commit myself to the dietary changes that I have started to put in place. My body will be more properly nourished, and I will be able to have fun doing it, to boot! I GET TO PLAY IN THE KITCHEN AGAIN! I get to have dinner again. Not just 8000 snacks. My body will not be exerting an exorbitant number of calories simply trying to stay warm in a freezing cold restaurant. I won’t have to exhaust myself 4-5 nights in a row. Rather, I can get proper sleep and give my body the rest it needs when it needs it. And not have to wear those stupid Converses. And, honestly, I was really over string cheese.
Marvelous 6: I have the potential ability to be social again.
I have missed out on so much because of the fact that I have to work on the nights that others want to go out. Now, I have a far greater chance of having friends in the flesh instead of just those in my mind. And I can actually have the ability to call my friends after they work, instead of scheduling time with them days/weeks in advance because our schedules are so offset.
Marvelous 7: I can wear other clothing. Probably will still stick with jeans (duh) and workout attire but the other elements can now rotate at my discretion.
There are plenty of cons to the situation: the slashed income, the growing ennui that emerges when you are understimulated/bored/have too much time on your hands—especially hard as it is not summer and I am not marathon training. THANK YOU YOGA–, my coworkers, the people watching…. But the way I see it, this is more marvelous and less malevolent.
I don’t know where I will go from here. I don’t know if I will be serving again, if I will finally be able to secure a “real” job, if I will be a nanny, if I will have to collect unemployment. I don’t know. My yoga instructor on Saturday guided our practice using a quote by Joseph Campbell for inspiration: “You must give up the life you planned in order to have the life that is waiting for you.” I think that I gave up on a planned out life long ago, but I like the idea that there is a life waiting for me. Like it wants me to just reach out and grab its hand. I’m sure how to do that yet. But I have to believe in it the same way I believe in myself and my character.
Believe that where you are, that is where you are meant to be, right now, in this moment. And that such a place was meant for you, that it could only be for you, and that it is a unique confluence of the unique elements of your life. Others may have similar situations, but never before, and never again, has this exact moment happened, in this exact way. And that, if you think about it, is pretty damn marvelous.
So is the fact that I won’t have to smell like carne asada. I will miss the margs, though 😀
What is your favorite Mexican Dish?
Have you ever been put in a situation where you had to “take one for the team” in a big way?