I’m not going anywhere, I’m just loosening the reins.
This week’s Friday Catch Up is going to be quite different. First of all, here are posts you might have missed this week:
- Chicago Marathon Weekend and Eating All the Things (Weekend Recap)
- Damn It (Language Warning)
- You Don’t Need Permission (Be Youtiful + Running Coaches Corner)
Necessary Note: I wrote this last week, before we got the wonderful news of my fracture. I decided to wait and see how I felt in the week following the news, but I still feel the same, and am thus going to publish it. I am also going to publish what I had anticipated publishing as the Friday Catch Up last week because, as I say in a minute, I want to continue to have these reminders of my life, and then I will finish up with a Catch Up from this week!
Loosening the Reins
This post has been coming for a while. I’ve been fighting it, but the past few months have just cemented the fact that I need to take not just a step back from the blogging world (which I already have) but rather several.
In riding terminology, I need to “float the reins” aka put my horse on a loose rein and just go for a walk in the fields.
The changes started the end of this spring and early summer when I found out I was pregnant–I just couldn’t be as open as I typically am (though, surprisingly, I didn’t hold much back), and to be honest, my energies were focused on trying not to lose my mind during the subchorionic hemorhage scare, when I thought everything was over. I wanted so badly to write a post about what it felt like to know that everything was over, and then to just make that decision that I would do anything and everything necessary to ensure the safety of my baby… but I couldn’t. And then, when the time came to tell everyone, I no longer wanted to put those words down. I did… but the moment passed.
The same with a piece that I have been trying to write for another outlet. I let the emotions go for too long, and now, though I connect with them, I have moved past them.
I’ve even gotten to the point that I get a little miffed by certain aspects of the blogging world. Where I used to be all YOU GO AND GET IT LADY, I’m now a bit
more… less supportive in my thoughts and reactions. I am still so proud of everyone who makes a goal, gets after it, but the superficiality of social media is getting more and more extreme, and I am more and more resentful of it.
Add to all of these feelings the fact that I have been working the way that I have, the hours that I have, and it isn’t that I don’t have time to write, but I just want to live, rather than write. Or I don’t want to write on a schedule.
But above all, I’m at the point where I just don’t feel that I have new value to add to the blogisphere right now. Not that I am value-less, but rather that I have put so much out there over the course of nearly 1000 posts, and I have neither the time nor the inclincation to go back and fix those previous posts to make them SEO friendly.
I am tired of my blog being a sort of business.
I need the blog to go back to a more organic form of sharing, a path that I know many of my friends have chosen. I am stepping down from Running Coaches Corner (though I hope to participate as a linker-upper every now and then!). I am not going to stop blogging all together, because especially I love how I’ve created this time capsule of my life and my pregnancy and my feelings. But it might only be a weekend recap and Friday Catch Up with an occasional information based post. And after the baby arrives, who knows? I don’t have to make any major decisions until next May, but the fact that I was already thinking about shutting things down when I renewed this past May is telling.
Instagram will evolve as well. I want to go back to showing more of my life and less curated posts, though I know that they will be in there. Expect more Ridley, more Alex, more stupid selfies. I want to take Instagram back. I know that so many people have created incredible feeds, but I need something organic and authentic in my life again. Not just what I think people want to see (I don’t really do this, but those thoughts sit in my mind each time I post).
I hope you all continue to follow the journey. If you are still here after the changes I’ve made this summer, then I suspect that you will also stick with what is to come. Or at least I hope you will pop by.
OK FRIDAY CATCH UP BULLETS (Part 1, Week of 10/13)
1) MOM ARRIVES TODAY. And I am at her mercy all today without protection (gulp). It’s going to be awesome. Alex has this weekend off as well, so once he is released into the wild from work tonight, he gets to have the Ranney women all to himself (bahahaha)
2) We have picked a pediatrician and are registered at the hospital for delivery! We talked to one of our friends, who is former Chicago-based Peds doc and chose our doc and practice based on her recommendation, but our new doc is still within the Northwestern network, so she/they has privileges at the hospital for when it all goes down. And if it goes down like Ashley’s birth story… I will be very glad of that!
3) [So that you know, as I am writing this, I do not have the results. Here was my reaction] I saw the PM&R doctor about my hip on Monday and we decided to schedule an MRI for this week to double check everything. Basically, we were encouraged by my vast improvement (I went from full range of motion to 60% to basically full in the span of a week), but with my insane history + pregnancy pelvis changes + the fact that I am pregnant, we just didn’t want to play, and we needed answers.
PS, the new RIC (Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago) which is now the Shirley Ryan Ability Lab, or ShRAL, as they call it, is basically a spaceship. I barely even understand how to get around in there. My FIL wouldn’t even know how to get to the main lobby. And I say that with love.
I’ll let you all know the results ASAP, but hopefully I’ll be able to run a little with Alex this weekend! Nothing big, I just want to be able to run with him and hopefully do the RUN10FEED10 in a few weekends.
But if I can’t, I’ll just walk! (Edited to add: or I will just stand and crutch about awkwardly)
4) I saw something earlier this week that said 45 days until Thanksgiving (we are probably at 41 or something now) and that BLEW MY MIND. That means that in 40 odd days I will be 7 months pregnant and in South Carolina! We were hoping to do some sort of photo shoot with the bump down there, but chances that we can hire someone over Tgiving weekend are slim to none. But it will be so much prettier there than up here… #firstworldproblems
5) I might not get up a Weekend Recap post until Monday after Mom leaves, so heads up for that. Just trying to help you all get used to the new schedule! But I will be doing Running Coaches Corner through the end of October, then I’m going to float the reins and trail ride for a bit.
If you had a pumpkin pie pumpkin, would you roast it or use it for decoration?
Friday Catch Up for this week (10/19)
TO summarize: in the past 7 days, I’ve
- been diagnosed with a stress fracture
- put on crutches for 4-6 weeks
- had to quit my job
- lost my mobility
- developed a terrible head cold, cough, and bronchitis
- discovered (by chance) a 4 figure hospital bill
- had someone try to into a bank with my account numbers and try to withdraw funds, thus had to set up all new accounts
- had Alex’s computer break
Not my best week. But not my worst week either. It has definitely been worse.
1) Thank goodness for being surrounded by incredible people. I may not be blessed with great bone health, but I am blessed with unparalleled emotional support.
Friday was tough for me, particularly the morning. I just didn’t know what to do with myself, and I will be honest, finding activities that keep me engaged mentally throughout the course of this “bed rest” is going to be very difficult. Mom got in mid afternoon, and just before she arrived, I attempted to take Ridley out on my own… and it was a disaster. Cue tears. Mom arrived, and I basically collapsed into her arms.
Alex arrived home and took the dog for a long walk and went for a run while Mom and I went for Happy Hour and then met him at Tarascas for 2 baskets of chips (for me) and a giant marg (for them) and a few other bites.
The rest of the weekend, they basically held down the fort. It was storming sideways on Saturday, and in addition to my hip issue, I developed a NASTY headcold and bronchitis that just kept developing as the day went on. So I spent most of the day sleeping and feeling terrible. Also, crutching in the rain sucks. Sunday, Mom and Alex cleaned the apartment, went grocery shopping, took care of Ridley, and just generally kept me going. I could never repay them.
I’ve also had some great neighbors and friends step up and ask if I need help with the pup and proposing ideas for projects, and I couldn’t be more thankful.
2) Crutching around is getting easier and easier as my hands and arms get used to schlepping my pregnant body around. My hip (which didn’t hurt before) has started to ache when at rest, and my abs (which have basically been unused apart from functional movements over the past few months) ache from crutching as well. The chest cough isn’t helping either. But it is getting easier. I even was able to crutch to the computer repair store and then to Starbucks and then home (a total of a little less than a mile) on Monday, which would have been impossible Friday, when crtuching to TJ Maxx to get a backpack literally wore me out.
On the plus side, I did get a UVA backpack, which is such a random find here in Chicago. I texted Alex to ask if I had to get it, and he text back immediately with the affirmative.
3) About the injury itself: It is tough to say what is to blame, and honestly, I don’t really care. As I explained the other days, I am a very high risk, but I am incredibly attuned to my body. As soon as this injury started to appear, I stopped running, and within the week, I was worried about it being a stress injury (I called it. Pat on the back to me). If I had felt, even for a second, during my work or running that I was developing something, I would have stopped immediately. We think that this injury is just what my body does: it breaks.
There is a fracture line in the femoral head/neck, with a reaction site as well, meaning that another crack might be developing. My doctor pulled some major favors to get me in to see an orthopedic surgeon, who I saw on Wednesday. He echoed much of what the my doctor said, but it was good to hear that we are on the right course and no one thinks that this should be an ongoing issue.
I am also going to women’s health specialist at the rehabiliation clinic next week to see if there have been pregnancy related changes in my bone density and if there is anything we can do to help the healing and to prevent future injury, particularly when it comes time for me to deliver.
4) Alex is going to be gone this weekend for a conference, and I know that he is really worried about leaving me. He has to go, though–he is presenting a paper! I wish he could enjoy the experience, but instead he is focused on me. Which sucks. I hate that he can’t even have a weekend to just be proud of himself and everything he has worked towards. Instead he is going to worry about me. We are boarding Ridley while he is gone–we are working on getting a dog walker, but getting someone on such short notice during a really busy time is proving more difficult than anticipated!
5) One of the best surprises of the weekend was that Mom brought my childhood Blankie that I carried everywhere with me for years. It was super cool to put my face to Blankie and see that he still smelled the same 😀 Instant comfort. She also brought us another (larger) blanket that had been made for me, as well as the oneise that she brought me home from the hospital in!
Again, I plan on being around on a pretty regular schedule through the end of this month before I go to a more as I feel like it schedule. So please expect to see me on Monday!Let other people know I'm taking a break!Click To Tweet
Have a great weekend!
Do you still have your old baby blanket/security blanket/stuffed animal? What was it and did it have a name?
What should I make this weekend? I’m Instacarting…