Emergency phone calls midday on Mondays show me the kind of mom I want to be.
I won’t sugarcoat it; I’m going through a lot right now. And when I say that I am going through a lot, I will refer you to the list of this week’s events at the end of my post yesterday. But I didn’t mention everything. And I probably won’t, to be honest. But to give you all a taste of what is going on, while my anxiety is doing better, my capital D depression is not doing so great. Or should I say, the Depression is doing well, my fight against it is not.
No, life is not bad or tough, but the confluence of multiple big events and a few shakeups thrown in there as well has caused my situational depression to flare.
Suffice it to say that uncontrolled tears and emotional flux necessitated a call to my mom midday. And once again, she reminded me just the kind of mom that I want to be.
I want to be the kind of mom that my daughter calls when she feels like she can’t breathe (from happiness or when she is working through something).
I want to be the kind of mom that listens to what her daughter has to say and then helps her figure out what to do about it.
I want to be the kind of mom that offers to leave for the airport that night to come out just to hold her daughter’s hand.
I want to be the kind of mom who would do just that, finances be damned.
I want to be the kind of mom who will also respect the fact that her daughter just as to get through this week first, before she comes up (because of work and visitors).
I want to be the kind of mom who makes sure that her daughter doesn’t get off the phone without an action plan to get her through the week.
I want to be the kind of mom who studies up on what her daughter is about to start doing so that the daughter can just ask her (daughter has been avoiding it).
I want to be the kind of mom who is proud of her daughter for taking a different path than the one that she (the daughter) had planned, and who doesn’t see the steps that she (the daughter) has taken as being missteps.
I want to be the kind of mom who will defend that journey and the right for her daughter to take it to the death.
I want to be the kind of mom that my mom is. And I want to be the daughter that deserves her. I don’t know what that means, but all I know is that I am the luckiest girl in the world. I hope that my child (regardless of whether it is a girl or boy or transgender, by my own body or the body of someone else) is just as lucky as I am.
There is so much that I could be nervous about with this pregnancy and fertility treatments. But to be honest, I feel like unconditional love is the one thing that I am not nervous about. I have been taught by the best. But I do have big shoes to fill.
No questions, just love today. Share what you see fit–maybe something to your own mother, something about your own struggles. I just want to give you all a moment to unload, to share, and to support. I’ll be back tomorrow with a new Running Coaches Corner + Review and Giveaway that I am actually very excited about.Sometimes, you just need to call your mom #depression #mentalhealth #love Click To Tweet
A few notes in closing:
For everyone that is feeling like they are just holding on, that they are swimming through a sea of they don’t even know what, that they are up against a wall, treat yourself as you would a peer or friend. And by that I mean, ask yourself what would you tell a friend if they were in the same position that you were in?
You don’t have to walk through life alone, and no, it is not normal to be feeling like you are doing so. Don’t be scared, but hopeful. Be it to your mom, your partner, your therapist… reach out to your support system.
Linking up with Amanda for Thinking Out Loud