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Friday Five Lyfe Tough Talk

Five Love Lessons For My Future Children (or Anyone!)


What five love lessons would you want to pass on to your kids (or best friends)?  No, I’m not pregnant (still working on it) but that doesn’t mean that I can’t think about the type of parent I want to be! 

Valentine’s Day brings with it talk of love. Self love, romantic love, platonic love, chocolate love…. Over the years, I’ve written a number of posts on self love and acceptance, from my What’s Lovely–You! guest post to a few older posts (one on beneficial strategic selfishness aka self care to self love selfies to protecting your body image).

Basically, I’m obsessed with myself. NOT. But if you want an excellent opportunity to take something out of context and blackmail me with later, there you go and you are welcome!

But enough of that. Let’s talk future children and how I can mess them up.

Five Love Lessons for my Future Kids and Current Friends

What five love lessons would you want to pass on to your kids (or best friends)? @suzlyfe

1) Start with Self Love

Self love is not self obsession or narcissism. Self love isn’t thinking that you are the gift to the world. It is pursing one’s own well-being and happiness and practicing self care as necessary. In fact, self love teaches us what well-being actually is and what contentment, not complacency, feels like.

Love is complicated. Relationships are complicated. Relationships with yourself are complicated because you, relationships, AND love are each complicated, so complications cubed. 

Similarly, self care is not selfish. The oxygen mask on an airplane metaphor comes to mind again and again: you have to keep yourself alive in order to help others. If you have nothing left to give… well, you have nothing left to give, do you?

2) Sometimes, You just Need a Cuddle

Oxytocin. Whether or not you want to become a parent, you know the power of oxytocin, and the power and danger of intimacy. Oxytocin is the hormone released during skin to skin contact, and it promotes feelings of being emotionally bonded to another person as well as a slew of other health benefits. You don’t always need sex (though sex is great and another great way to foster oxytocin and a bunch of other great benefits); sometimes, you just need to start with a cuddle.

3) Marry Your Best Friend and Greatest Champion, But Not Your Echo Chamber

Physical attraction comes and goes, infatuation hormones come and go. Real love is built on another level of connection, and that mental component can reignite that physical aspect again when/if it wanes. You want and need your partner and your best friend to be your greatest champion, to believe in you and support you in your wildest dreams… but you don’t want to marry or attach yourself to your echo chamber or fanboy/girl. You need someone that will keep you real, make you think, and help you achieve your dreams by having perspective on what is actually achievable.

4) Love is Ever Evolving

We are not static. If love was static, it would be even more impractical. Love needs to evolve with us.

5) Love Cannot be Summed Up in Language, But Love can be Summed Up in a Look

I love you. Three words that we place so much importance on, that we break up, come together, and rely on to keep us going through our darkest moments. I am not saying that words and that those three words in particular aren’t important, aren’t perhaps the most important words in our life. But those three words cannot sum up love.

But one look can.

It was the look Alex gave me (that I didn’t see, but my mom did) at dinner the day he met my mom. It was the look Alex and I gave each other as we stood at the altar, and the look we had in one of my favorite pictures of the two of us, ever.

It is the fact that we don’t have to look at each other to see one another, but the fact that we still do look at each other. 

The greatest privilege that you can give a feeling is to make it so powerful that you don’t need words to feel it, to capture it, to make it live on. That is the greatest love lesson. That you can know, but you don’t have to hear it (though, again, hearing it is nice!).

Beyond patience, kindness... the five #love lessons. #sweatpink #valentinesday Click To Tweet

What love lessons would you pass on?

Joining up with the Friday Five 2.0!

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