Damn it. That is the most family friendly combination of words that I have for you right now.
What I really want to say, and I’m going to, now that I am past the preview part of the post and you will have had to click on it to enter is GOD DAMN SHIT MOTHER FUCKER.
I had an entire other post waiting for you today. Written. Was about to put images in it. And then I got a lovely call from my lovely PM&R doctor with the lovely results of my lovely MRI.
Part of me wishes I had never picked up the phone. I knew he didn’t have good news for me from the minute he said who he was (it showed up as a private number).
Because, as it turns out, you can have a stress fractured hip even though the pain is abating and you can jump on the damn thing and walk scads of steps a day on it without pain.
That’s right, folks, I have another stress fracture in my hip. Which is a tough pill to swallow, as I am the bone health and anti-stress fracture person that I am.
I haven’t seen the images yet (and neither has the doctor, he’s only read the report) but apparently I have a combo platter of stress reaction and fracture in my left hip right around where the femur meets the hip. He was more specific, but I was honestly just really fucking upset and trying not to sob at that point.
Oh, and you better believe I am sobbing. Because it isn’t just that I have to immediately go non-weight bearing.
I have a dog that needs to be walked and chased after and worn out.
I have a job that is totally on my feet and moving around and extremely physical. But one that I love.
I sold my car.
I have to be back on f-ing crutches for 4-6 weeks. That means that I am on crutches until about Thanksgiving.
I have to leave my job and my friends and my social network and support there. Immediately. I can’t even give them two weeks.
Once again, I am at a place where I feel like I can’t trust my body. I know that pregnancy can do extreme things to your hips and your bones (my husband worked with someone who had pregancy-induced osteopenia and fractured her pelvis just walking).
I am so thankful for my little Yoshi. But right now I’m really fucking mad. And I’m sad. I’m so happy right now, I am so fulfilled. And now I just am scared that this is my future, to recur again and again.
But I need to focus on getting better. Not just for me but for Yoshi.
I’m obviously writing this in a very raw state; I probably shouldn’t hit publish.
But I’m going to. Because this is real life. This is happening.
Just be glad that you aren’t seeing me ugly cry right now. Because it is UGLY.
I’m going to go and try to figure some things out, and I’ll be back Monday or Tuesday (probably after Mom leaves) with a new perspective and some idea of what to do next.
I don’t need pity, I don’t need I told you so’s. I honestly don’t know what I need right now.
Happy Friday The 13th.