Do you have a strong personality, and if you do, how do you balance your public and private selves? Do you make a distinction?
As you know, I deal with a great deal of performance anxiety, and I often deal with performance anxiety after the fact. For example: this weekend.
This past weekend was amazing and awesome and just the trip of a life time for this small-beans blogger. Best of all? I felt so comfortable with each person on the trip–everyone was inviting, genuine, complex, and had so much to offer to the group. I immediately felt at home with them. I chatted and shared and laughed and was myself around them.
But was I too comfortable? Was I too “me” for this situation? Did my strong personality become overbearing?
I am at once totally comfortable with myself but also totally uneasy about my personality and behavioral tendencies.
I know how to behave in public, and I can reel in my personality enough, especially if someone else is backing off. But let’s be honest: I am a lot of personality, I have a lot to say, and when I get comfortable, I tend to let it all hang out. I don’t swear/cuss here, but I have a tendency to pepper my conversation with choice words.
To some, I am charming and funny and just eccentric enough. They connect to my raw-ness, my dry humor, and my genuine interest. My intensity is part of my charm.
Others might see me as just simply “too much.” Of everything. They don’t find my humor funny, they think I am a know it all, I am too brash, too open, just too… much. My intensity is off putting.
I was talking to my mom yesterday about my trip, and I mentioned to her that I was starting to question if perhaps I had been too comfortable on the trip, and if I should have worn my “professional” hat more. I had put on my professional hat, particularly when we were in public areas representing Spyder, but when we retreated to the lodge, or were on our own, I let my guard down and was just Suz. (to be clear, both are Suz, one is just much more well spoken and far quieter).
Was that too much? Did I read situations wrong? What if they never invite me on another trip? Am I a horrible human being that no one will ever want to be around?
Ultimately, it comes down to this:
Having a strong personality (as well as anxiety disorder) means that you are going to see both sides of the coin: you are going to be alternatively cool being you, questioning ever action you ever make after the fact, and, if you are really lucky (not), questioning your actions as you make them but not being able to stop!
I know that I walked the line while in Tahoe, but upon reflection, I feel comfortable with who I was and how I acted in the various situations. Sometimes that might be a bit much for people! But I can’t apologize for who I am–it is one of my best qualities, after all.
Strong personalities can be a mixed bag. Yes, our mouths can get us into trouble (boy, has mine!), but we also are the greatest champions of causes, large and small. You need your drink at a restaurant? Send me in. Someone not treating you right? I’ll make it right.
You just have to learn when to let your strong personality out, and when to tell to take a moment and wait patiently. Sometimes you get it right, sometimes you get it wrong, but I would rather speak up with my feelings than lose the opportunity. I have done that as well, and of all the things in life, not sticking up for myself (or others) are my only regrets.Are you comfortable being yourself? Suz looks at living with a strong personality #sweatpink Click To Tweet
Are you comfortable being yourself? I am, for the most part… but I also know that “Suz” isn’t for every one. That often leaves me questioning myself after the fact when I feel that I have let my guard down perhaps a bit too much.
What about you? Are you comfortable being yourself?
Do you have a public face and a less guarded private face?
Do you have a strong personality?
Joining Amanda for Thinking Out Loud!