Yesterday’s post was all about kicking ass, taking names in the kitchen.
Essentially, what you see here is the “reality tv” version to my True Life. It is absolutely not scripted, but you are only seeing part of the whole picture. Not because I craft it in order to do so, but because that is just how it is. Sometimes I think that you all perceive me to be some domestic scion of emotional maturity and tough-as-nails, bring on the world, Sally, knock-em-out-ness. And yeah, you would be right. But seriously, though, I am not necessarily as I appear. Kind of like an optical illusion. Techinically, you can’t say that I’m not, because yes, there is a bunny but there is also a woman’s face.
So yeah, I am:
- Emotionally mature
- Tough as Nails
- Super driven
- Think I’m the funniest/smartest person in the room
- Know that I’m good at what I do when I want to be
But here’s the thing.
- A total homebody. That’s why I talk about it when I am social. It is a bit out of the norm. That said, I love to hang out with my friends, I just am BIG on hanging out with the people that mean a lot to me.
- Emotionally closed off at times. Alex has really helped with this and encourages me to speak out to him and let him know when I am feeling disconnected or shutting down. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. For all of the emotional-in-touchness I have, I often times don’t know that I need something until it is too late. I am better about it, generally, but a year ago, hell, even a few months ago, I was much worse. Leaving the restaurant and giving myself the ok to forge a new path was really the turning point for me. It was then that I allowed myself to get really close with people again, regardless of where they lived, and also to reach out to those around me here. I no longer felt that I was constrained by schedules—I had more freedom, even if it was just the perception of it.
- I’m trying to remember who exactly said it, Jenni-was it you? But several of you (and one in particular) remarked that I seemed to similar approach to my meals, but that mine always looked way more put together. HAH. HAH. HAH. I nearly always start with a salad a) because I like salads b) it’s good for me and c) it gives me (I hope) some time to figure out what the f I am eating. Alex’s meals? Now those, I will grant you, are well composed. They are the ones that get photographed, generally.
- Meanwhile I am eating a salad, a random protein, a piece of bread, chips, half of whatever else I made for him, I’ll probably also have yogurt involved…. Ask my husband, my lunches are typically about 4 courses (salad, protein/main thing, carb, yogurt, maybe even a dessert). I just get up and sit down and get up and sit down. I put all my energy into making him something, and his plate is a carefully composed example of realism and mine looks like Picasso and Pollock got stoned and had a party (at least ingredients wise).
- I am what I call a Lazy-Type A/Perfectionist. You all have heard me say this before. I used to be really competitive and suuuuper Type A as a kid. I would get upset by a B, and I still to this day get embarrassed easily if I am wrong. I am a question answerer with a thirst for knowledge (the question answerer thing comes from my dad quizzing us at the dinner table to keep us occupied at restaurants, and then the competitive nature at school, always wanting to be called on), and yes, if you ask a dumb question, I will still answer it, even if I know a split second later that you are kidding. I like people to know things!
- I’m kind of a heinous person. I don’t suffer fools well. I HATE people acting stupid because they think it is funny. No, it just makes you look dumb. I have a raucous sense of humor, but when the party pants come off, they are off and I don’t want anything to do with fun. I am antifun. But I can also be the life of the party.
- To go back to the lazy type a thing, in short, I start with big goals, I might even start towards them, and then I’m like F IT and I stop working on them. That said, I won’t put my name on anything that I am not 100% satisfied with, which led to me doing a lot of extra work in school settings. Also why I am a bit of tyrant in group settings. Or I want nothing to do with it. But I will always get my work done, I just have to have a fire under me to do so.
- I can’t make simple decisions, but I planned my wedding like a boss. Literally, I was the absolute easiest bride ever but also wham bam thank you ma’am when it came to decisions. I selected and booked our venue, caterer/florist/cake/decorator, and wedding planner in 2 weeks from start to finish. My wedding dress was the first that I tried on (but I had thought I wanted something slightly different before that), and we chose the first officiant, DJ, and photog. I knew which shoes I wanted, Alex and I never had to think too hard about our songs, and I created the menu, and the cake flavors. We knew exactly where we wanted to go for our honeymoon.
- But ask me what I want for dinner that night and I will refuse to make a decision. And then, if we make plans? I will likely change them 10 minutes later (not permanent plans, I’m talking about what-are-we-doing-today plans.
- I will talk about how long it has been since I’ve talked to my friends and I still won’t call them. (I know other people have this problem, too. Why is that??) And then I will call them and talk to them for 3 hours and be in the best mood ever afterwards.
- I can’t pick a favorite color. See my wedding—they are all there.
- I love to work out, but I don’t like to move. I hate sitting, but I love a good couch. I love food and molecular gastronomy and all the cool things that can be done and I want to know it all….but I want to eat a salad and pizza for dinner, have a beer (although I also think that you guys perceive me as a lush–I have sips all the time, it is rare that I have an entire drink), and hang with my boy. I love fashion and jewelry….but I wear jeans even though I can dress up.
- I went self hosted with aspirations to make it this big thing. And it has pretty much stayed the same.
I’m a mess. But I’m me. And there are times when I want to strangle myself. There are times when I think, DAMN self, you freaking rock. #selfloveselfie
Oh well. Such is the Lyfe of Suz.
Now excuse me while I go have more ice cream and watch Bravo. I could be fixing things, but that ain’t gon’ happen.
Recipes for work day lunches up tomorrow.
Tell me: If someone pulled back the curtain of your blog, of your life, what would they see? What is the “true life” of your “reality tv”?