Life and Living with Crohn's Disease

Life and Crohn's

Running Tips and Fitness Advice

Let's Talk Running

Coach Suz Training

Work with Me!

Thinking Out Loud Tough Talk

The Anti-Inspirational Blogger: True SuzLyfe vs Reality TV

Yesterday’s post was all about kicking ass, taking names in the kitchen.

Today’s post is about how I’m actually a fraud. The ANTI-Inspirational Blogger award (btw, thank you to Gabi (AND THIS TIME NEXT WEEK YOU’LL BE AN IRONWOMAN!!), Laura, and Lauren for nominating me!!)

Essentially, what you see here is the “reality tv” version to my True Life. It is absolutely not scripted, but you are only seeing part of the whole picture. Not because I craft it in order to do so, but because that is just how it is. Sometimes I think that you all perceive me to be some domestic scion of emotional maturity and tough-as-nails, bring on the world, Sally, knock-em-out-ness.  And yeah, you would be right. But seriously, though, I am not necessarily as I appear. Kind of like an optical illusion. Techinically, you can’t say that I’m not, because yes, there is a bunny but there is also a woman’s face.

So yeah, I am:

  • Emotionally mature
  • Tough as Nails
  • Super driven
  • Think I’m the funniest/smartest person in the room
  • Know that I’m good at what I do when I want to be

But here’s the thing.

I’m also:

  • A total homebody. That’s why I talk about it when I am social. It is a bit out of the norm. That said, I love to hang out with my friends, I just am BIG on hanging out with the people that mean a lot to me.
  • Emotionally closed off at times. Alex has really helped with this and encourages me to speak out to him and let him know when I am feeling disconnected or shutting down. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. For all of the emotional-in-touchness I have, I often times don’t know that I need something until it is too late. I am better about it, generally, but a year ago, hell, even a few months ago, I was much worse. Leaving the restaurant and giving myself the ok to forge a new path was really the turning point for me. It was then that I allowed myself to get really close with people again, regardless of where they lived, and also to reach out to those around me here. I no longer felt that I was constrained by schedules—I had more freedom, even if it was just the perception of it.

genie

  • I’m trying to remember who exactly said it, Jenni-was it you? But several of you (and one in particular) remarked that I seemed to similar approach to my meals, but that mine always looked way more put together. HAH.   HAH.   HAH.  I nearly always start with a salad a) because I like salads b) it’s good for me and c) it gives me (I hope) some time to figure out what the f I am eating. Alex’s meals? Now those, I will grant you, are well composed. They are the ones that get photographed, generally.
Mine

Mine. And this is best case scenario. ABSOLUTE BEST CASE.

  • Meanwhile I am eating a salad, a random protein, a piece of bread, chips, half of whatever else I made for him, I’ll probably also have yogurt involved…. Ask my husband, my lunches are typically about 4 courses (salad, protein/main thing, carb, yogurt, maybe even a dessert). I just get up and sit down and get up and sit down. I put all my energy into making him something, and his plate is a carefully composed example of realism and mine looks like Picasso and Pollock got stoned and had a party (at least ingredients wise).
  • I am what I call a Lazy-Type A/Perfectionist. You all have heard me say this before. I used to be really competitive and suuuuper Type A as a kid. I would get upset by a B, and I still to this day get embarrassed easily if I am wrong. I am a question answerer with a thirst for knowledge (the question answerer thing comes from my dad quizzing us at the dinner table to keep us occupied at restaurants, and then the competitive nature at school, always wanting to be called on), and yes, if you ask a dumb question, I will still answer it, even if I know a split second later that you are kidding. I like people to know things!

inigo montoya

  • I’m kind of a heinous person. I don’t suffer fools well. I HATE people acting stupid because they think it is funny. No, it just makes you look dumb. I have a raucous sense of humor, but when the party pants come off, they are off and I don’t want anything to do with fun. I am antifun. But I can also be the life of the party.
  • To go back to the lazy type a thing, in short, I start with big goals, I might even start towards them, and then I’m like F IT and I stop working on them. That said, I won’t put my name on anything that I am not 100% satisfied with, which led to me doing a lot of extra work in school settings. Also why I am a bit of tyrant in group settings. Or I want nothing to do with it. But I will always get my work done, I just have to have a fire under me to do so.
  • I can’t make simple decisions, but I planned my wedding like a boss. Literally, I was the absolute easiest bride ever but also wham bam thank you ma’am when it came to decisions. I selected and booked our venue, caterer/florist/cake/decorator, and wedding planner in 2 weeks from start to finish. My wedding dress was the first that I tried on (but I had thought I wanted something slightly different before that), and we chose the first officiant, DJ, and photog. I knew which shoes I wanted, Alex and I never had to think too hard about our songs, and I created the menu, and the cake flavors. We knew exactly where we wanted to go for our honeymoon.

paris22

  • But ask me what I want for dinner that night and I will refuse to make a decision. And then, if we make plans? I will likely change them 10 minutes later (not permanent plans, I’m talking about what-are-we-doing-today plans.
  • I will talk about how long it has been since I’ve talked to my friends and I still won’t call them. (I know other people have this problem, too. Why is that??) And then I will call them and talk to them for 3 hours and be in the best mood ever afterwards.
  • I can’t pick a favorite color. See my wedding—they are all there.
Also my sock drawer

Also my sock drawer

  • I love to work out, but I don’t like to move. I hate sitting, but I love a good couch.  I love food and molecular gastronomy and all the cool things that can be done and I want to know it all….but I want to eat a salad and pizza for dinner, have a beer (although I also think that you guys perceive me as a lush–I have sips all the time, it is rare that I have an entire drink), and hang with my boy. I love fashion and jewelry….but I wear jeans even though I can dress up.
  • I went self hosted with aspirations to make it this big thing. And it has pretty much stayed the same.

I’m a mess. But I’m me. And there are times when I want to strangle myself. There are times when I think, DAMN self, you freaking rock. #selfloveselfie

Oh well. Such is the Lyfe of Suz.

Now excuse me while I go have more ice cream and watch Bravo. I could be fixing things, but that ain’t gon’ happen.

Recipes for work day lunches up tomorrow.

Tell me: If someone pulled back the curtain of your blog, of your life, what would they see? What is the “true life” of your “reality tv”?

Previous Post Next Post

Have you read these gems?

87 Comments

  • Reply Wendy@Taking the Long Way Home

    The true life of my “reality TV” is that of a mom of 2 teenaged boys, a pediatric nurse practitioner, and a 50 something who is hanging on to her fading youth, overwhelmed with responsibility, perfectionist, and trying to raise normal well adjusted teen boys while keeping them out of trouble. Aye! It’s why I run!!!!!
    Wendy@Taking the Long Way Home recently posted…Marathon training week 5–What doesn’t kill me is going to make me stronger…My Profile

    August 19, 2014 at 5:49 am
    • Reply suzlyfe

      I think AYE pretty much sums it up! Your youth may be “fading” but that just means you are able to kick more ass. And boys are never well adjusted, we both know that 😉 But seriously, enjoy your family, your job (love NP’s!!!), and continue to pursue what drives you while making your family work. Boys will be boys, ultimately, give them morals and ethics and let them learn for themselves. Just like us. We’ve turned out alright.

      August 19, 2014 at 12:53 pm
  • Reply Tina Muir

    love this! Once again you are honest, and real. Love it! It is okay, even after revealing your inner suz to us, we still love you. I know I do….I actually guessed a lot of this anyway, your personality comes out through your words 🙂
    Tina Muir recently posted…Meatless Monday: How to Create the Perfect Grilled FlatbreadMy Profile

    August 19, 2014 at 5:59 am
    • Reply suzlyfe

      Thank you my dear. I figure you all do, but it feels good to say it anyway. MWAH

      August 19, 2014 at 12:53 pm
  • Reply Lacey@fairytalesandfitness

    I am the same way with decision making. I can’t make the easiest decision like what yogurt to get at the store but decided right away that I wanted to get lasik without thinking twice.
    Lacey@fairytalesandfitness recently posted…Food and Drink for Runners: An Honest ReviewMy Profile

    August 19, 2014 at 6:02 am
    • Reply suzlyfe

      WHY IS THAT???

      August 19, 2014 at 12:54 pm
  • Reply Danielle@T-Rex Runner

    I think about this often as a blogger – what people think we’re like as a result of the blog versus what we’re actually like. Any time I have met someone at a race or expo, I always get really nervous because I think I come across very differently on my blog than I am in real life. For whatever reason, my blog is this big manifestation of sarcasm and humor, and while I definitely think those things and have that side of my personality, it’s expressed much less often in person. People who really know me probably would not describe me as funny, although that’s the comment I get most often on my blog. Witty, sure, but not funny – they would describe me as being very serious and introspective. I’m exactly as adventurous as people think, but more reserved than they think, too. This is a very interesting post and I’ll probably be thinking about it the rest of the day! Thanks for writing it!

    August 19, 2014 at 6:47 am
    • Reply suzlyfe

      I’m glad it gave you some food for thought. Knowing you on the blog and also in real life, I would agree that there are certain aspects that might, as you aptly put it, be expressed less/more in person/online. I would agree with you assessment of yourself: more introspective and dry wit-wise, less silly-loud, and just as adventurous. But I think that is also why you work the way that you do on the blog–that is the other part of your personality, the thoughts that are not necessarily said. It doesn’t mean that it isn’t there–the feelings are still very much valid and there, they are absolutely part of you, but they manifest differently.

      August 19, 2014 at 1:00 pm
  • Reply Michael Anderson

    I can’t speak for anyone else, but I think that the many-faceted side of you comes through in your writing in spite of what you think or try to do … and that includes the emotionally open/closed stuff. 🙂

    Fun stuff!
    Michael Anderson recently posted…Take Care Tuesday – The Wonders of Random KindnessMy Profile

    August 19, 2014 at 7:24 am
    • Reply suzlyfe

      Thanks–I try to be as authentic to myself as possible, but you never know what slips through the cracks.

      August 19, 2014 at 1:01 pm
  • Reply Deborah @ Confessions of a Mother Runner

    None of this a surprise to me- Your writing projects all of this and it’s great! Always appreciate your honesty and cadidness. Have a good one!
    Deborah @ Confessions of a Mother Runner recently posted…Tuesdays on the Run-Hydration & FuelingMy Profile

    August 19, 2014 at 7:26 am
    • Reply suzlyfe

      Thank you! It still makes me feel better to just lay it all out there.

      August 19, 2014 at 1:02 pm
  • Reply Michele

    This is great! I can very much relate to a lot of what you said – either because I have it in common or I see it in my husband. He is totally the “type a lazy” although I never thought of it that way. He also takes a long time to do even small tasks because he is such a perfectionist and I think it deters him from accomplishing goals. And I’m always embarrassed about being wrong and can’t seem to get over that, but I’m working on it 🙂
    Michele recently posted…Jogging Stroller Memories and Ghost PainMy Profile

    August 19, 2014 at 7:33 am
    • Reply suzlyfe

      I definitely think that my perfectionism keeps me from taking things on–you are exactly right, it is because I am scared of falling short. Of disappointing myself or anyone else.

      August 19, 2014 at 1:03 pm
  • Reply Rae

    Let’s see… Bit of a drama queen (helloooo, theater major), weirdly obsessed with my cat, play way too many hours of Skyrim, eat embarrassing amounts of stove-top popcorn with lots of real butter and salt, more inclined to laze on the couch than be active, stayed home on New Years Eve by myself and drank a bottle of mead. Total crazy mixed bag.
    Rae recently posted…Manic Monday – 08/18/14My Profile

    August 19, 2014 at 7:59 am
    • Reply suzlyfe

      We would have such a badass party. Not even a question.

      August 19, 2014 at 1:03 pm
  • Reply Courtney @RunningforCupcakes

    Love this! I am also SUCH a homebody. I love people and going out, but staying in and watching movies always sounds much more appealing to me. Also, put me around someone acting dumb on purpose and I may accidentally throw a chair in their face. It’s my biggest pet peeve. Dumb is not cute, it’s annoying and stupid. And I can’t make any decisions. I can never pick where I want to eat for dinner. My answer is always I don’t care, because I truly don’t care! I’m happy with whatever and would much rather have someone else pick for me.
    Courtney @RunningforCupcakes recently posted…Marathon Training: Week 11My Profile

    August 19, 2014 at 8:51 am
    • Reply suzlyfe

      It’s funny–I totally care about what I have for dinner, and I want complete control over it, but at the same time, I totally want someone else to pick for me.
      I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks that acting cute is NOT cute.

      August 19, 2014 at 1:06 pm
  • Reply Ursula

    Great post my dear, I already feel like I sort of know you but this is wonderful because now you seem even more awesome. Oh and when I saw the Princess Bride picture I gushed a little. He’s my favourite character…”you killed my father, prepare to die”. I wish I could be a boss like you when planning my wedding. If you pulled back to the curtain you’d see I’m actually a crazy person, like a craaaaazy girl who tries to hide it but it somewhat of a stress nut. I have to talk about everything with Ian. It’s rather annoying for him, but it’s like therapy for me. I love that you recognize you’re tough as nails and driven. Those are such great qualities and they definitely shine through on your blog. xx
    Ursula recently posted…My Favourite Photo Editing ProgramsMy Profile

    August 19, 2014 at 8:52 am
    • Reply suzlyfe

      You are too sweet. And I would definitely say that you have a pretty clear picture of me, and I think that is why I write so candidly–you are all people that I feel know me, and accept me, regardless of the nonsense or sense that comes out. And you might think that you drive Ian crazy, but it would upset him way more if you didn’t. At least, that is how Alex is, and I can see them being rather similar, as you and I are!

      August 19, 2014 at 1:09 pm
  • Reply Hilary

    Loved learning more about the “real” you but I think you do such a good job of showing us who you are just through your writing!
    Hilary recently posted…Weekly WorkoutsMy Profile

    August 19, 2014 at 8:59 am
    • Reply suzlyfe

      Thanks, love. I try to, but it feels good to say it out loud from time to time.

      August 19, 2014 at 1:10 pm
  • Reply Sam

    Great topic. I’ve thought about this a few times. I guess my big behind the curtain would be that I am a desk jockey. I work at a desk in front of a computer for at least 8 hours a day, M-F. I even eat my lunch at my desk most days because it’s just easier. (I know it’s bad….) My blog is all about when I’m not at work, cause who wants to talk about that… But every time I read one those articles about how bad sitting all day is for you, I do have an OH No moment. (And exercising at lunch is not an option, I tried)
    I wonder if my humor and personality come across…. hmmm…. now I’m going to be thinking about this all day.
    Sam recently posted…Bio Skin = Compress Me So GoodMy Profile

    August 19, 2014 at 9:03 am
    • Reply suzlyfe

      I think that they do come across–when I read the byline of your blog name I knew instantly who you were. I am right there with you when it comes to my sitting–it is driving me crazy, and it is completely the opposite of my other job (back when I was still serving). And that was just as bad for my runner’s legs! If I thought I was sitting too much in the interim (which I did think), boy, if I had only known!

      August 19, 2014 at 1:12 pm
  • Reply Sarah @pickyrunner

    “I’m a mess but I’m me.” <– I love that line. Probably because it's how I feel most of the time too. Obviously you know we're very similar people but reading this really reaffirmed that- being social but deep down actually a homebody, lazy Type-A perfectionist, emotionally closed off (someone close to me used that exact description the other day). We may not be perfect, but we are who we are and that's the most important part. And I like the suzlyfe just the way it is 🙂
    Sarah @pickyrunner recently posted…Wedding ReadyMy Profile

    August 19, 2014 at 9:26 am
    • Reply suzlyfe

      And you know that I love my pickster. And I think that you, Caitlin and I have really reached these moments of personal acceptance at about the same time. We have finally come to accept, maybe even welcome, who were are, and as a consequence, I think we are flourishing.

      August 19, 2014 at 1:14 pm
  • Reply Mo (@rushourunner)

    I’d like to think that my blog is pretty real… like, if you met me in person, my conversational style is the same. That being said, I do pick and choose what I share on the internet. NOT because I’m ashamed of it or that it paints me in a bad light, but because it’s private and needs to stay private.

    I get what you are saying about being anti-fun, because I am that way a lot. Like, why can’t I just sit on my couch with TV or a book and have food delivered to me? That sounds perfect! I feel no need to socialize, and I never did when I was a kid either.
    Mo (@rushourunner) recently posted…million dollar ideaMy Profile

    August 19, 2014 at 10:16 am
    • Reply suzlyfe

      I knew as soon as we actually met that we would get on like fire, because you were indeed exactly as you seemed on your blog. Whip-smart, sarcastic, hilarious, but also serious, largely because you know the score and ain’t nobody gonna pull the wool over your eyes. I probably should/could share less, and I think in time I will. But for now, I need this outlet, this opening up. And I make sure that whatever I say is not going to hurt anyone or our future. I also like to hear myself talk. Obvs

      August 19, 2014 at 2:07 pm
  • Reply Caitlin

    If someone looked at my life, they would see a hot mess of a person, who is usually ok with it. I think that comes across on the blog pretty well haha. They would definitely see more of the actual kid action, but I can’t put most of that on there for privacy reasons. I eat what I want (which means a lot of breakfast for dinner, with froyo and wine and/or bourbon), i do what I want (so I run, read, watch movies/tv, and hang with friends), and I’m comfortable sharing it. The only things I don’t share are little stuff that I keep between me and the people it involves (I.e. I don’t talk about arguments between Joe and I or if I get mad a friend or family member), but otherwise, what you see is what you get, and I’m ok with that 🙂
    Caitlin recently posted…13 WeeksMy Profile

    August 19, 2014 at 10:22 am
    • Reply suzlyfe

      Precisely. We very much have a similar approach–I may go into more detail about the mundane things than you, but you also have been blogging far longer than I have, and have gotten it out of your system, as it were. As time goes, I am sure that I will pull back, but for now, I am still fine being a chatty cathy. It has served me well finding some pretty stellar friends, after all 😀

      August 19, 2014 at 2:09 pm
  • Reply Annmarie

    I can totally relate in so many ways. I feel like people view me as this put together person when I am so not a put together person behind closed doors. Best example I can give is that if you came over to my house you would see everything neat, picked up and clean but if you opened a closet door- everything would look clutter and most likely pour out onto the floor.
    Annmarie recently posted…Meatless Monday: The Ultimate Kale & Veggie SoupMy Profile

    August 19, 2014 at 10:51 am
    • Reply suzlyfe

      The classic shove everything in the closet and pretend it isn’t there. I am more the little bits and pieces of disorganization show everywhere and all the time.

      August 19, 2014 at 2:10 pm
  • Reply Brianna @ I run He tris

    This may be my new favorite post of yours! I feel like you do convey that many sides of you in your writing. When y’all get some sense and move back to the south (hehehe) I will make you hang out with me all of the time. I’m really not sure how my real life is different than my blog life. I try to be real and honest, but of course I’m not going to share everything with the world. Things probably seem much more rainbows and butterflies on the blog than they actually are but I try to keep it as real as I can.
    Brianna @ I run He tris recently posted…Not 1, not 3, but 5!My Profile

    August 19, 2014 at 11:01 am
    • Reply suzlyfe

      Thank you, my dear. You are absolutely one of the people that I feel I would be major friends with both in person as well in blog land, and it isn’t something that I even question–it is so obvious in the way that you convey yourself on the blog, and particularly with respect to your son–you love him unrelentingly, even when he is being a little boy. I will definitely be letting you know when I am nearby.

      August 19, 2014 at 2:12 pm
  • Reply your, mommy, Clare

    Well, the closest I’ve come to blogging are in my replies to yours.
    If someone pulled back my curtain– they’d find someone who doesn’t particularly like to travel, but I love driving–especially on the interstate in my Audi.
    I love having and playing with our horses, but not necessarily ride them.
    I love to buy lipticks, but tend to wear the same ones, everyday.
    I’m lazy, but I can not sit still.
    I’m very shy and quiet, but I have a public demeanor that completely denies that statement.!
    My wicked sense of humor comes out of my fingers, not my mouth.
    Like you, I love a great sofa (red) but I can’t sit still.
    You did plan out your wedding very quickly, but you’d done your homework and exactly what you and Alex wanted, and your dress—-you put. It on and we both knew this was it. I still get goosebumps thinking about it!

    August 19, 2014 at 11:15 am
    • Reply Michael Anderson

      “My wicked sense of humor comes out of my fingers, not my mouth.”

      That is very similar to what Danielle (t-rex) said, and I think if you visit her site you will see it to be true. But an interesting thing happens when you read a few dozen or so posts from the same person – especially when that person is experiencing the natural ups and downs of life … you can start to see where that person is coming from, how humor plays into everything else as both a coping and defense, and also how having more time to think of witty replies or statements allows more fully formed humor to come out.

      So people who think they come out all funny and sarcastic and strong and so on … sure, they might in one post, but over time we see that they are weak and self-questioning and unsure and hesitant in certain ways and situations just like everyone else 🙂
      Michael Anderson recently posted…Take Care Tuesday – The Wonders of Random KindnessMy Profile

      August 19, 2014 at 11:25 am
      • Reply suzlyfe

        Definitely true of me. WE all know that there is another side of the story, but sometimes we don’t always know what it is.

        August 19, 2014 at 2:16 pm
    • Reply suzlyfe

      And don’t forget your emails to your roommates! I get a lot of my I’m this but I’m that from you, I think–I think it comes from you mother “sitting” on you–you were raised with certain expectations, ones that you accepted, but you also itched under their pressure. And I think that you have gotten some more of your “that”ness from me–I gave you an outlet until you were able to do it yourself.

      August 19, 2014 at 2:15 pm
      • Reply your, mommy, Clare

        “Chatty Cathy” I still have my chatty Cathy doll. Maybe you get “it” whatever “it” is from her!

        August 19, 2014 at 9:13 pm
        • Reply suzlyfe

          You are Chatty Cathy.

          August 21, 2014 at 10:08 am
          • Suzlyfe's mommy, Clare

            HaHaHa!

            August 21, 2014 at 1:25 pm
  • Reply Jenni @ Fitzala

    Ah, love this! We are the same! Well, kinda. You’re much more personable and do a wonderful job at writing. And yes, I might have remarked that your meals seem structured. I totally understand the four course thing though. That’s what I end up doing when Geoff is out of town.

    At least you know you’re a tyrant in group work. I always just took the lead in HS and wondered why no one else wanted to do any work. Duh! They knew I’d do it all. Fortunately, I was made aware by my patient and loving husband (who is so much nicer than me!) that I need to learn how to listen. I have improved much over the almost 2 years we’ve been married. Also my wedding dress was the first one I tried on ;P

    Also, thank you for saying that you do not suffer fools. Movies like Meet the Parents make me want to strangle myself. Why would anyone on earth do something that stupid? No one is like that. How is it funny? I’ve managed to learn how to enjoy it since meeting Geoff because Dumb & Dumber is his favorite movie. But there’s still some to which I say HELL NO.
    Jenni @ Fitzala recently posted…5 reasons why alcohol isn’t your friendMy Profile

    August 19, 2014 at 12:12 pm
    • Reply suzlyfe

      OMG WE ARE THE SAME PERSON. We already knew this but now it is for sure. And our husbands are the same. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG Dumb and Dumber, the fact that they are nicer…. yes yes and thrice yes.
      Now I know why I like you so much!!! 😉

      August 19, 2014 at 2:21 pm
  • Reply Kate @ Baking in Yoga Pants

    Is it funny that I am legitimately jealous of your sock drawer?! Because I am. My reality is that I love my family more than anything in this world. I want to go to church more, and yet, on Sundays I make excuses not to go. I love training and yoga and wonder if it can ever really be a full time thing. I’m obsessed with comfortable clothes. I wish I could hire someone to do my hair and makeup. I would love to own a bakery “where everybody knows your name” 🙂 And good novels are like comfort food to me.
    Kate @ Baking in Yoga Pants recently posted…Breaking Through to Big LoveMy Profile

    August 19, 2014 at 1:13 pm
    • Reply suzlyfe

      You are a beautiful soul. And I love that you are at peace with who you are. Your church is like my call to my friends–I wish I talked to them more, I wish I baked/cooked more, but I always think of a reason not to. But I think that is because I know that they, like you do God, know that they are there. And in a way, that is taking them for granted, but on the other, it shows your faith. It is about finding the middle ground.

      August 19, 2014 at 2:24 pm
  • Reply Ange @ Cowgirl Runs

    I think we were separated at birth because oh my goodness yes to so so many of those! Seriously. it’s nutty.
    Ange @ Cowgirl Runs recently posted…I have a race this weekendMy Profile

    August 19, 2014 at 1:23 pm
    • Reply suzlyfe

      I love how we come to this realization every time one of us writes a post like this 😀

      August 19, 2014 at 2:24 pm
  • Reply Sue @ This Mama Runs for Cupcakes

    This is a great post, and thanks for being so open. If someone were to peek into my life they would see that I am a good mom but I am probably the most impatient mom around. And I yell, A.LOT. sometimes and it breaks my heart. I used to be strong and assertive with my husband, but now I feel weak and meager since I started staying home with my kids. My self confidence is in the toilet most days. But it shouldn’t be. I have everything that I could ever want. Staying home and giving up my “career” has taken a huge toll on me and I don’t necessarily feel productive in the ways that I used to. I know that I’m raising two boys that I want to grow into wonderful men though, so I guess that’s a sacrifice that has to be made.
    Sue @ This Mama Runs for Cupcakes recently posted…MCM Training Week 7–Vacation MilesMy Profile

    August 19, 2014 at 2:22 pm
    • Reply suzlyfe

      I think that your feelings are totally valid–it is part of the reason that I am a little scared about having our children–I know that I will be doing a lot of it myself, and I wonder how much of myself that I will be giving up, mentally, emotionally, and yes, vain if you want to say it, physically. But then I look at moms like you who are, yelling and frustration aside, incredible mothers, incredible wives, and athletes, and so whip smart that I realize that their intelligence is part of the problem, and I know it will be mine–we are just too well aware. I have no doubt that I will impatient, too, but I also know that the same will be true of me as of you–you will be hard pressed to find someone that love their children and family more.

      August 19, 2014 at 4:15 pm
      • Reply Sue @ This Mama Runs for Cupcakes

        Thanks Suz. It’s definitely a hard balance, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I’m still searching for the “real” me since having children. I know I will find it, but in the mean time I just keep trucking on. My husband is a pilot, so I know what it’s like to do it on your own, it’s hard for sure and despite my impatience and yelling, I love those kids more than anything and I know I’m a good mom. I think we are too hard on ourselves and that is part of the problem!
        Sue @ This Mama Runs for Cupcakes recently posted…Wonder Mom Wedesday Link up: Back to SchoolMy Profile

        August 20, 2014 at 8:00 pm
        • Reply suzlyfe

          Couldn’t agree more!

          August 21, 2014 at 10:52 am
    • Reply your, mommy, Clare

      I so totally understand your sense of loss that comes from leaving the “working” world. 21 years later, I’m still surprised by how much of my self worth vanished with my title and my paycheck.
      I loved the added time I had with my kids and I would not change that—but, somewhere in there, I seem to have lost ME.

      When I look at Susie’s question about pulling back the curtain, on my nonexistent blog, the ME that I really miss is the ME who I blossomed into when I went to college, and the ME who worked at the bank. I was a lot smarter than anyone in my family ever imagined, and I was excellent at what I did at work, because, to me it was about the customer’s needs, not my ego. I put them first, always, and the rest just happened.

      I miss the old ME. But I can see a lot of that freedom of expression coming out through Susie. I was raised to be a good southern lady, and I am one——but that gets rather boring when you do what is expected of you rather than what you really want!!

      Yeah, my mom “sat on me” and I was a perfect little lady, then I gave birth to Susie and the fun began!!!

      August 19, 2014 at 9:38 pm
      • Reply suzlyfe

        HELL YEAH IT DID

        August 21, 2014 at 10:08 am
  • Reply Sara @ Lake Shore Runner

    Thanks for sharing – I am glad I knowing you as a blogger but also a “real life” friend 🙂 I am also such a homebody. It is a good thing I don’t live closer to my parents otherwise I would be at their house all the time and not socializing with people my own age.
    Sara @ Lake Shore Runner recently posted…Weekend Recap: BIG SURPRISE, Margs, Nashville & Fro YoMy Profile

    August 19, 2014 at 2:32 pm
    • Reply suzlyfe

      I am so glad to have you as a real life friend as well. And soon you will have a new home! And we will go do fancy things next Thursday night 😀

      August 19, 2014 at 3:43 pm
  • Reply Lisa @ Running Out Of Wine

    This is great! While I didn’t know most of these things about you, I can’t say I’m surprised. And I think that’s because even if you haven’t said these things about yourself before, you also haven’t denied them. I am also terrible at simple decisions and usually refuse to make them. But I also chose the first wedding dress I tried on! As you know I also prefer to stay home and I think my parents are convinced that instead of turning 30 last year I actually turned 60.
    Lisa @ Running Out Of Wine recently posted…The Mental Side of Marathon TrainingMy Profile

    August 19, 2014 at 4:00 pm
    • Reply suzlyfe

      Most people has said that they aren’t all that surprised. I guess I’m not as enigmatic as I hoped 😀

      August 19, 2014 at 4:11 pm
  • Reply Cassie

    The fact that you know yourself so damn well is inspirational to me! It’s hard to figure out – and even accept – what you like and what you don’t like. Do I love clothes and fashion? Yeah. Do I want to blog about it? No. And that was a hard decision for me to come to terms with. I love staying in on Fridays nights. I hate talking on the phone but feel SO MUCH BETTER when I do. Also I think we have the same eating patterns… I’ll just throw shit together (and always yogurt, always) and then take the time for someone else. GET IT, GIRL.
    Cassie recently posted…Cherry Chocolate Recovery Smoothie [and a Giveaway!]My Profile

    August 19, 2014 at 7:45 pm
    • Reply suzlyfe

      And this is why we get along so well. I think that we complement each other very well–you are the polished version of me, in many ways. You have such a beautiful blog, my is such a mess at times, but we work very similarly.

      August 21, 2014 at 10:05 am
  • Reply Farrah

    I love how honest you are. :] It really gives your blog a voice that people can relate to! (I’m very much of a lazy type A too. 😡 )

    I feel like my blog for the most part describes what I’m like. It probably plays up the social interactions (…what little I talk about on that topic) more so than my actual life goes because, like you, I am also a total homebody. I do love spending time with my friends, but I don’t usually get much of a chance to.

    But! If someone saw the rest of the pieces of my life that I rarely mention, I think they might get incredibly bored because so much of it still consists of studying. Granted, it’s a billion times more exciting than it was 1.5 months ago, but such is the life of a med student! 😛 (I think I have it better than most though[?], because I fill up all the cracks with all my billions of favorite hobbies and interests. 🙂
    Farrah recently posted…Wine’d Down Wednesday {49}My Profile

    August 19, 2014 at 8:53 pm
    • Reply suzlyfe

      OHHHHH MED SCHOOL. Trust me, I went through it, even if I didn’t get the white jacket. Unsolicited offer of solicited advice–you email me if you ever need to get your head in teh right place when it comes to making it through. And I think that our blogs speak to what we find exciting in life–luckily, spending time on the couch with Alex is, for me, as much an occasion as going out to dinner!

      August 21, 2014 at 10:08 am
      • Reply Farrah

        I give you all the props in the world for that! I’m always amazed at the students in my class with families because I’m pretty much just married to…life as a med student/studying. 😡 I may take you up on that when I get to my surgery or OB/GYN rotations! 😛 Not looking forward to those very much, but at the very least, I’ll hopefully learn something from it! (I completely agree on spending time on a couch vs. going out to dinner. :p )
        Farrah recently posted…Coolest Classes I’ve Ever TakenMy Profile

        August 24, 2014 at 8:49 am
  • Reply Katie @glutes and ladders

    Girlllll, I am a lazy type A too! Growing up I ALWAYS had to have As. Always was a know it all. Always top of my class. Then I went to engineering school and BAM, I was no where near the smartest kid in the class and no longer strived to be (cuz some of those kids were genius level smart). I think it helped me relax maybe a bit too much, but I graduated! When I did my masters in construction management, a bit of my perfectionist side came out. I’m still SO mad that I got one B in a course and ended up with a 3.9 instead of 4.0.

    If I blogged every day about every part of my life, people would be so bored. 12 hours of my day are spent working or commuting. The rest are spent working out, eating, sleeping, and showering. Repeat that 6 days/week and that’s my life. All my travel sounds glam filled (and that part of my life is!) but the rest is so reptitive.

    August 19, 2014 at 10:30 pm
    • Reply suzlyfe

      Me too. And you can totally tell–those are the times when I talk about nothing at all, just whatever comes into my head!!
      I had a class in high school that taught me to chill out–Calculus. It was the first time I ever failed a test. But I worked hard and learned that you could rebound. A lot of that is a testament to my teacher and his approach.

      August 21, 2014 at 10:10 am
      • Reply Katie @glutes and ladders

        Oh girl, I feel you on calc. When I took trig and calc in HS I did NOT understand it. I did so much better in both when I took them both in college. Well maybe not Calc 3, but that’s a different story and I’ve never used it in real life so whatevs!

        August 22, 2014 at 12:43 am
  • Reply Jill

    The thing about social media in General is that you really only get a glimpse into people’s lives and for the most part I think that’s ok. I mean who would want me posting about the cat vomit I cleaned up today or the number of diapers I changed at work?! But I do love sometimes hearing about the not so glamorous aspects of peoples lives Bc it makes them more relate able. Also this is why I have such a burning desire to meet so many bloggers IRL! Bc I really want to know the person behind the words I read each day. And thanks Susie for being so honest about yourself 🙂
    Jill recently posted…Recently…My Profile

    August 19, 2014 at 10:41 pm
    • Reply suzlyfe

      Don’t hate on the cat vomit cleaning up–that is my life!!! lol. I totally agree about wanting (but also being slightly scared) to meet blogger friends in real life–I’m always scared that I won’t gel with them, and then my world will be rocked! I think that is why I am so particular about the blogs that I follow and the bloggers that I develop relationships with–I respond to people that I feel are giving me it straight (hahahahahaha twss) and that I like regardless! I have stopped reading quite a few blogs when I feel like either a) they changed suddenly (and in an inauthentic way) or b) it was like oh, so that’s who you really are. I don’t want anyone to ever feel that I am other than who I am, because I don’t want to find out that they aren’t either!

      August 21, 2014 at 10:14 am
  • Reply Stock Your Pantry for Healthy Work Lunches (Gluten Free!) #WIAW - Suzlyfe

    […] all! I’m glad that a) you like the real me, crazy and all, lol and b) you all seem to be pretty excited about the recipes to come. I’ve had a lot of fun […]

    August 20, 2014 at 5:32 am
  • Reply Stacie @ SimplySouthernStacie

    As I’m reading each bullet point, I’m going “Oh my gosh, that’s SO me!” Are you my long lost twin?
    Stacie @ SimplySouthernStacie recently posted…WIAW: Tomatoes Galore!My Profile

    August 20, 2014 at 8:09 am
    • Reply suzlyfe

      …..MMMMMMOOOOOOOOMMMMMM????????????

      August 21, 2014 at 10:20 am
      • Reply Suzlyfe's mommy, Clare

        Susie, I did not have twins, I promise……….YOU are a one of a kind!

        August 21, 2014 at 1:32 pm
  • Reply Heather @fitncookies

    Love all these confessions. I love the last one about going self hosted. Story of my life, but nothing has changed. Oops! Love your approach to wedding planning. That’s the best!

    August 20, 2014 at 9:52 am
    • Reply suzlyfe

      WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT you just started your You Tube Channel!!! I’d stay you are doin’ stuff!

      August 21, 2014 at 10:31 am
  • Reply Smitha @RunningwithSDMom

    This is awesome! I think I am pretty much me on my blog except that when I am feeling sluggish and slow, I typically won’t share my pace on social media. I also don’t share some of the personal details of my kid’ lives. I keep family somewhat out of my blog. Oh and my job. I don’t like to blog about that either. Ha ha! So I guess I am different behind the blog curtain!

    August 20, 2014 at 12:42 pm
    • Reply suzlyfe

      OOOOff I know exactly what you mean about not sharing your pace. I share it very rarely, and same goes with my mileage and mileage plans. I am a) paranoid that it won’t happen (idiot body) and b) I don’t want people to compare themselves with me in a negative way. Every run should make you feel proud.
      I think that you aren’t so much different beyond the blog curtain but there is simply so much more to your life. You should get your kids to write a post and tell us the real story though 😉

      August 21, 2014 at 10:27 am
  • Reply Shawna

    i like reading about you! pull back the curtain on my life annnnnd….you’ll find out my highest aspiration at the moment is to be on the amazing race. with the boy i’m crazy about. the end.
    Shawna recently posted…Christine & Chad’s wedding weekendMy Profile

    August 20, 2014 at 2:58 pm
    • Reply suzlyfe

      That would amazing. No pun intended. I would TOTALLY watch that.

      August 21, 2014 at 10:47 am
  • Reply AMBER

    Suz, I absolutely love LOVED reading this post, and felt that I could relate to you in SO many ways. Seriously,
    like:
    – DINNER/MEALS BEING A SHMORGASBOARD seriously, my meals only “look” put together, because that’s taken before I ‘weird it up’ with pumpkin, nutritional yeast, peanut butter, tomatoe paste, or whatever else random I decide to add
    – being a homebody (although we appear to be bubbly and social) I LOVE being with people but will often not put forth the effort, and would rather be at home, blogging, going to the gym, or vegging
    – LAZY TYPE A – YES YES YES. I am a control freak, and super anal, but then when it comes to certain things I’m like ah F it it’s close enough/good enough, like lining my cabinets with contact paper, I did a very sloppy job,and could care less 😉

    I think if you unveiled my “curtain” you’d find a girl who curses far too much (f is my favorite), that eats a lot more than you THINK i do (i’ talking chocolate syrup straight from the bottle in my mouth, standing at the fridge, with my other hand in a bag of something), who doesn’t get dressed up quite often, but when I do, I prefer to ‘flaunt my figure’, and i AM A CRIER, I CRY FOR EVERYTHING 🙂
    AMBER recently posted…Wink Ambassador & Wink WarriorsMy Profile

    August 20, 2014 at 6:08 pm
    • Reply suzlyfe

      I think so many of us that are in this little community do share many of these traits, and that is why we get along so well! I love that you “flaunt your figure” GET IT GUUUUURL

      August 21, 2014 at 10:49 am
  • Reply AMBER

    OH WAIT, I forgot to also add:

    I CAN’T DECIDE ON THINGS EVER, like minor things, big things I can handle, what’s for dinner, what to wear, STRESSES ME OUT, what to do for plans. nope not deciding.

    ALSO – I will say “i’m lonely” but then won’t make plans… LOL
    AMBER recently posted…Wink Ambassador & Wink WarriorsMy Profile

    August 20, 2014 at 6:09 pm
    • Reply suzlyfe

      I know–why is that?? We so self sabotage!!! lol

      August 21, 2014 at 10:49 am
  • Reply Perception vs Reality: T-Rex Edition – The T-Rex Runner

    […] girl Suz had a post this week that made me think, and I like posts that made me think. She wrote a post about […]

    August 21, 2014 at 8:04 pm
  • Reply Hollie

    This is an interesting post. I do struggle with perceiving real life and internet life. I’m the same way that I’m selective of who I want to hang out with. It doesn’t make sense for me to want to hang out with a dozen people I won’t be friends with next week. Great post.
    Hollie recently posted…Because I am a Material Girl…My Profile

    August 22, 2014 at 4:56 am
    • Reply suzlyfe

      Thanks for weighing in. I am sure for you, having blogged as long as you have, that certain things are incredibly obvious and incredibly distorted–you get contacted by so many people, pulled in so many ways, that it can feel difficult to continue to convey your authenticity. My blog is still nascent enough to enable me to slide under the radar.

      August 25, 2014 at 1:02 pm
  • Reply Katie @ Gettin' My Healthy On

    Bahaha you are hilarious and have a way with words. Love the realities. 🙂
    Katie @ Gettin’ My Healthy On recently posted…Well This Is Going to Be Embarrassing…My Profile

    August 22, 2014 at 8:24 am
    • Reply suzlyfe

      Flattery will get you nowhe…keep going please 😀

      August 25, 2014 at 1:09 pm
  • Reply Perception vs Reality - Cowgirl Runs

    […] going to look like the biggest copycat ever for this post, but I super don’t care. I loved Susie’s post, and I totally danced in my seat for her when Danielle wrote a similar post and linked to her […]

    August 26, 2014 at 5:01 pm
  • Leave a Reply

    CommentLuv badge