What are your year end thoughts on 2016? Are you like me, and feel a little bit… unsure what to think? How are you taking this year into the next?
2016 has been really weird, hasn’t it? I know that every year has highs, lows, and side-to-sides, but I feel like 2016 was just… bizarre. As if everything that went “right” was to make up for something else. And then a monkey wrench or two thrown in there for good measure, and to keep things interesting.
Last year, my New Year’s “Resolution” was to play the cards I was dealt. I decided to focus on priorities, rather than goals, and I think, to a large extent, I have been able to accomplish both of those intentions.
As I look back on this
clusterf interesting year, I realize that it might not have been exactly the year that I wanted, but it was the year that was necessary for the next phase of my life.
This year? I had to learn to be a little less selfish. I had to learn that it wasn’t all about me. To be happy for people who worked hard, believed, and received–first when I lost my job, then when I DNS’d Boston, when certain business scenarios didn’t go my way, and more. I witnessed the power of good sportsmanship in action.
I learned to be even more introspective, to listen to my body and yes, to listen to mind and when NOT to listen. Not so much on an intuition left, but rather to realize when something is up, something that I cannot ignore. My anxiety and depression issues crept up on me–I was so focused on my body that I didn’t realize how much my mind was in jeopardy.
Here’s how my Year in Running played out.
I learned (again) the power of communication. The need to reach out before you break.
I learned the resiliency of my body in a new way–not just with regards to Crohn’s Disease–but also the fragility of it, and how even the littlest trigger can offset the precarious balance. But I also realized just how strong I was in the process.
I got plenty of practice for the non-running times to come, and it happened in such a way that now that I will soon be on forced rest again, this time the rest will seem like a cakewalk because I know that it will all be fine (and that I can walk!).
I learned the power of a puppy cuddle, and I realized how much I really want to be a mom.
I got my husband back, and not a moment too soon. Though he has been busy, he has been much more accessible (by phone, text) and that has really helped me with my various issues this year. But I also had to deal with certain situations on my own.
When looked at through a broad, general lens, I can’t say that this year has really truly been so different than years past. But the intricacies and minutiae of the events that occurred in 2016, the relationships and people that I hold close and the evolution of those relationships as time has gone by during this year, they have changed me in a rather profound way.
I’m still #HotMessExpress, but I am learning that being #HotMessExpress doesn’t have to define you. You can get a lot done while being a hot mess. You learn how to triage, prioritize, and move forward with some, put others on the back burner because guess what, right now just isn’t the time.
I greet this new year in a state of tension: on the one hand, I have a clear directive, but that clear directive throws many other aspects of my life into a holding pattern of purgatory and what ifs.
What I do know is that I plan to reinstate my Toast to the New Year from last year: May we play, to our best ability, the hand that we are dealt. And may we bet so much that we understand the risk, but not so much that we can’t play another.
But if you are bad luck, stay the heck away from my table.
Quick Note: I’ve not been feeling well the past few days, so I am rather behind in responding to comments here on the blog and on other forms of social media. Rest assured that I see the comments, and that I am ever so appreciative! I just don’t think that now would be the best time to respond.
Thank you to Amanda for Thinking out Loud!
How about you? What are your feelings about 2016?